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1x01 Pilot (23)

Transcript of "Pilot"
Written by: Mitchell Hurwitz


Season One, Episode One

Starring:
Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth
Portia de Rossi as Lindsay Bluth Fünke
Will Arnett as G.O.B.
Michael Cera as George Michael Bluth
Alia Shawkat as Maeby Fünke
Tony Hale as Buster Bluth
David Cross as Tobias Fünke
Jeffrey Tambor as George Bluth
Jessica Walter as Lucille Bluth
Ron Howard as Narrator

Guest Starring:
John Beard as Himself
Stacey Grenrock Woods as Trisha Thoon
J. Hunter Ackerman as Protester
Hira Ambrosino as Executive
Chad Einbinder as Birthday Party Man
Paul Mendoza as Enrique
Andy Morrow as Teen Magician
Johnathan Schmock as Captain


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Transcript

The following is the transcript of the Season One episode "Pilot". Memorable quotes are highlighted below.

"Pilot" was written by Mitchell Hurwitz.

Act 1Edit

Caption: Orange County, California

Narrator: This is Michael Bluth.

Caption: Michael Bluth / Manager / The Bluth Company

Narrator: For ten years he’s worked for his father’s company waiting to be made a partner. And right now he’s happy. This is Michael’s mother.

Caption: Mrs. Lucille Bluth / Socialite

Lucille: Look what they’ve done, Michael!

Narrator: She isn’t happy.

Lucille: Look what the homosexuals have done to me!

Michael:You can’t just comb that out and reset it?  

Narrator: Currently she’s upset that her husband’s retirement party is being upstaged by a group of gay protesters.

Protesters: (Chanting) We’re here, we’re queer! We want to get married on the ocean!

Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire!

Lindsay:Good grief, Mother! Not all homosexuals are flamboy... Oh, my God, I have the exact same blouse.  

Caption: Lindsay Bluth Fünke / Activist

Narrator: This is Michael’s twin sister, Lindsay.

Lucille: I like it better on him.

Narrator: As a youthful act of defiance, Lindsay married this man.

Picture of Tobias

Caption: (not on boat)

Narrator: They moved to Boston where they’ve become celebrated for their wine and cheese fund-raisers.

Flashback

Lindsay: Oh, no. I’m completely stuffed. Um, I forget their name but I know they're hungry. I think some of them are thirsty.

End Flashback

Narrator: Michael and his sister haven’t spoken in a year. Neither has acknowledged this.

Narrator And this is Michael’s oldest brother, poor G.O.B.

Michael: So, this is the magic trick, huh?

G.O.B.: “Illusion,” Michael. A “trick” is something a whore does for money...

G.O.B.: Or cocaine!  

Caption: G.O.B. / George Oscar Bluth II / Magician (part-time)

Narrator: G.O.B. recently started the Alliance of Magicians, an organization that blackballs any performer who reveals a magician’s secret.

Picture of the Alliance of Magicians, Sign reads: "We Demand To Be Taken Seriously"

Narrator: And finally, there’s Buster, the youngest of Michael’s siblings.

Michael: Hey, Buster.

Michael: You know, you don’t need to do that, buddy. It’s okay.

Caption: Byron "Buster" Bluth / Graduate Student

Narrator: Thanks to the family’s largesse, Buster has studied everything from Native American tribal ceremonies...

Narrator: ...to cartography: the mapping of uncharted territories.

Buster: Actually I'm studying cartography now: the mapping of uncharted territories.

Michael: Sure. Hasn’t everything already sort of been discovered, though by, like, Magellan and Cortés? NASA, you know?

Buster: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Michael: ...all those people.

Buster: Those guys did a pretty good job.

Michael: Right.

Buster: But there’s still. You know...

Lucille: Never hurts to double-check.

Narrator: He also suffers from crippling panic attacks.

Narrator: Yes, this is his family. So, why is Michael so happy? Because he’s decided to never speak to these people again.

Act 2Edit

Narrator: Michael was feeling more generous about his family on the morning of the boat party.

Caption: ...the morning of the boat party

Michael: What comes before anything? What have we always said is the most important thing?

George Michael: Breakfast.

Michael: Family.

George Michael:Family, right. I thought you meant of the things you eat.  

Narrator: This is Michael’s son, George Michael.

Caption: George Michael Bluth / Frozen banana salesman/child

Michael: I mean, we’ve made nothing but sacrifices for this family, and tonight, it all pays off, my boy. Tonight, your granddad makes me partner.

Narrator: To prove his dedication to the family business, Michael has decided to live here...

Drawing of Sudden Valley, A Bluth Company Development

Narrator: ...in the model unit of his father’s latest housing tract. The guys live in the attic so that the house can still function as a pristine selling tool.

George Michael: So you thin he's gonna announce it on the boat?

Michael: Yeah, absolutely. It's his retirement party. Plus, he's been dropping a lot of hints.

George Michael: What kind of hints?

Michael: It's funny. It's not a "hint" hint, but he has been calling me "pardner."

George Michael: Yeah, that's... that's like partner.

Michael: Of course, he has been going through a little bit of a cowboy phase. No. I'll be my own boss. I'll finally be able to get you what you deserve. Like a real home.

George Michael: This is a real home.

Michael: No, it’s not. It’s a fake home, son. You want the loops or the flakes today?

George Michael: I'd rather live like this than like my aunt and uncles whose eyes have never stung from the sweet sweat of a hard day's work.

Michael: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you gettin' all that?

George Michael: From you. You say it every couple of years when they come out to visit.

Michael: Well, maybe you're right. Maybe they are spoiled. But you know what, son? That is not our problem. That is their problem. We have a good thing going here, you see? You'll find that you have much more dignity and self-respect when you learn...

Door opens

Michael: that this house has got everything we're looking for.

George Michael: And more! Can we buy it, Dad? Can we buy the house?

Michael: We're gonna try, son. But we gotta hurry. These are gonna get all snapped up. Oh, good morning. I'll race you to the bank.

George Michael: All right.

Scene Edit

Cut: Sign reads "Welcome to Balboa"

Narrator: The guys then headed down to Balboa Island. It was here, in 1953, that George Sr. started a business selling a novelty food item called the frozen banana.

Caption: 1953

Narrator: Like his father before him, Michael had gotten his son a job there to bolster the boy's self-esteem.

George Michael: Ten cents gets you nuts. Uncle G.O.B.? Uncle G.O.B.

G.O.B.: Give me a dollar. No, the twenty. This is gonna blow your mind. Some say wealth is an illusion. Well, let's just see. For one moment it's here, and in the next...

G.O.B.: Monopoly.

G.O.B.:You don't have it, do you?

George Michael: Yeah, I think I might.

G.O.B.: That's good, 'cause a lot of the pieces are missing. Oh, to play Monopoly with my family again. I'd give anything to be eight.

George Michael: I'm 13.

G.O.B.: No, I wasn't crazy about 13. The acne, self-consciousness, the erections. You okay?

George Michael: Yeah, I'm okay.

G.O.B.: Hey, there's the man I came to see.

George Michael: Uh, Uncle G.O.B., where's the twenty?

G.O.B.: Hey, a magician never reveals his secret. That's what I started the whole alliance about.

George Michael: I don't need the secret. I just need the twenty.

G.O.B.: What you need to know... is that it's magic.

George Michael: Wow... It's so much like stealing.

SceneEdit

Narrator: Michael, meanwhile, was meeting his brother G.O.B., hoping to discuss his father’s boat party.

Michael: It's sort of a "pass the torch" kind of, situation, so if you've got a wireless mic...

Boat Captain: Got it.

Michael: Or a torch. Now that I think about it. It's just a joke.

Michael: Hey.

G.O.B.: Michael.

Michael: G.O.B.

Michael: I'm sorry. Uh, Captain, this is my brother, G.O.B.

Boat Captain: How are you?

G.O.B.: Incredible! I'm having an incredible year. Right on top.

Michael: We'll finish inside. Look at you. Are you doing good?

G.O.B.: Please, look.

Michael: Right. Great.

Michael: You got your check for your share of the party?

G.O.B.: You know, I sort of thought my contribution could be a magic show.

Michael: A magic show?! Oh, that's perfect, G.O.B.

G.O.B.: Thank you.

Michael: Or, wait a minute. I just remembered something. Dad’s retiring, not turning six.  

G.O.B.: Hey, come on, I just bought this new illusion called The Aztec Tomb. It cost, like, eighteen grand.

Michael: Come on, G.O.B. I don’t care.

G.O.B.: I’m gonna do it on the boat. Look, what do you care? Can’t you just charge the party to the company?

Michael: No, it’s not a business expense.

G.O.B.: So what? Lindsay’s been staying at the Four Seas for, like, a month. She’s probably charging the company.

Michael: Lindsay’s been in town for a month?

G.O.B.: I don’t think so.

Narrator: Michael was upset to hear this, so he went to discuss it with his mother.

SceneEdit

Michael: Mom? Mother? Give me your company checkbook. You’re cut off.

Lucille: Michael, look. Look what happened to my fox. Someone cut off his little foot. Is it... is it noticeable?

Michael: Well... you’ve got to remember, you’re going to be all splattered in red paint. That’s gonna distract the eye. I don’t want you charging any more of your personal expenses to the company.

Lucille: Well, I had to pay for The Aztec Tomb. G.O.B. says it’s a career-maker.

Michael: Wait a minute—the company paid for The Aztec Tomb? That’s great. Well, I was talking about Lindsay, okay? You put her in a five-star hotel, on top of which, you didn’t even tell me that she was in town.

Lucille: If you’re saying I play favorites, you’re wrong. I love all my children equally.

Cutaway: earlier that day...

Lucille: I don’t care for G.O.B.  

Buster: (gulp)

Cutback

Lucille: Good grief, I dipped into the kitty a couple of times. You should be focused on tonight. Dad’s making a big announcement.

Michael: Yeah? I knew it. It’s about me, isn’t it?

Lucille: (winks)

Michael: I wonder how I can talk you out of ever making that face again

Tobias: Michael!

Michael: Tobias.

Tobias: How are you?

Michael: Uh-huh. (Chuckling) Good, good. How’s your, uh, job search coming?

Tobias: It’s good.

Michael: Yeah?

Tobias: It’s going to be good. It’s going to be good.

Tobias: I’m hoping the universe provides a path for me.

Narrator: Tobias recently lost his medical license for administering C.P.R. to a person who, as it turned out, was not having a heart attack.

Newspaper headline, “Sleeping Tourist has Sternum Broken / East Coast Man Hospitalized by Accidental ‘Rescue’”

Michael: Maybe you’ll be inspired by the boat party tonight and start a career as a pirate.

Tobias: I haven’t packed for that.  

Lindsay: Couldn’t find a thing.

Michael: Lindsay.

Lindsay: Michael!

Michael: How was your flight?

Lindsay: Great! Great! We just got in.

Lucille: He knows.

Lindsay: A month ago. Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve been meaning to call you, I really have.

Michael: Really?

Lindsay: It’s just... I've been... Well, I need to decompress. I've been very busy.

Tobias: It’s been crazy.

Lindsay: We just had an amazing fund-raiser for H.O.O.P.

Michael: H.O.O.P.?

Lindsay: My anti-circumcision movement.

Flashback Fundraiser. Sign reads “H.O.O.P. - Hands Off Our Penises”

Lindsay: I think it looks frightening when it’s cut off. It’s a Doberman. Let it have its ears.

End Flashback

Michael: Hmmm.

Lindsay: Believe it or not, we brought in over $40,000.

Michael: Unbelievable. Sounds like you saved enough skin to make ten new boys.  

Tobias: Well, most of that money was from...

Lindsay (clears throat)

Tobias: ...the Bluth Company. I mean, how... are you?

Michael: Still good. You know what? You guys have had your hands in the company coffer for years, but starting tomorrow, there is going to be a new boss in town,

Dramatic Drums

Michael: and you’re all going to have to start fending for yourselves.

Dramatic Drums intensified

Michael: You’re all going to finally feel that sweet sting of sweat in your eyes as...

Michael: Buster, you can’t do that on the balcony, buddy?

Buster: (stops playing the drum)

Buster: Mom says it’s too windy.

Lucille: Who could’ve done this?

SceneEdit

Narrator: While Michael was getting fed up with his family, George Michael was finally getting to know them.

Maeby: Um, yeah, I bought a frozen banana, and when I bit into it, I found this.

George Michael: It looks like a foot.

Maeby: It tasted like a foot. Which I didn’t really mind, but I’m pretty sure I said “no nuts.”

George Michael: Hey, you’re my cousin, aren’t you?

Maeby: Maeby.

Narrator: This is George Michael’s cousin Maeby.

Caption: Mae "Maeby" Fünke / Cousin"

Narrator: Maeby had always found unique ways to rebel.

Cutaway: Fünkes Home

Lindsay: Maeby, this is a cute tattoo for you.

Maeby Mom, I want to enter beauty pageants.

Cut back

Maeby: I can’t believe you didn’t recognize me.

George Michael: We never see you. We never see anybody in our family.

Maeby: I know, it’s our parents’ faults. We should teach them a lesson.

George Michael: (Laughing) Yeah... yeah... No, I-I don’t think so.

Maeby: I should go to my mom tonight and be, like, “I met the cutest guy,” and then she’ll see you and me totally making out.

George Michael: (Laughing) Yeah. (Continues laughing) But not really, right?

Maeby: It’s perfect! She’d freak out, and I’d be, like, “Mom, if we saw each other more often, this wouldn’t happen.”

George Michael: But we’re cousins.

Maeby: That’s what makes it funny.

George Michael: But isn’t it against the law?

Maeby: I don't think so.

George Michael: I know for certain that the yacht club would have a problem with it.

Maeby: Come on, George Michael.

SceneEdit

Narrator: Tobias, now believing the boat party to be pirate-themed...

Tobias: Well, you look like a pirate!

Narrator: ...began searching through his wife’s luggage for an outfit.

Tobias: I should say so. Look at the blouse, sir.

Narrator:Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals. Soon, he was unwittingly part of a protest against the local yacht club.

Tobias: How are you?

Lindsay: Oh, my God, I have the exact same blouse.

Lucille: I like it better on him.

Maeby: I don't understand why you work every weekend. Aren't you, like, my age?

George Michael: Well, it's important to be responsible. I think there aren't enough young people out there today who have a real work ethic.

Maeby: What do you mean?

George Michael: I don't know.

Narrator: And George Sr. finally made his retirement speech.

George, Sr.: I guess it's time for me to, uh, mosey on. And although I won't be saddling up and going in every day...

George, Sr.: there's someone else who's going to.

George, Sr.: I give you the new C.E.O. of the Bluth Company...

George, Sr.: certainly the smartest Bluth...

George, Sr.: my favorite Bluth...

George, Sr.: and the, uh... sexiest creature I have ever laid eyes on...

George, Sr.: my lovely wife Lucille.

Lucille (glees)

Lindsay: Mom! Mom, congratulations!

Music: / Love will keep us together /

George, Sr.: Sorry, it’s not the right time.

Music: / Some sweet-talking girl comes along, singing /

Lindsay: I’m not going to lie to you, Michael; this is great news for H.O.O.P.

Act 3Edit

Michael: Hey.

George Michael: You okay?

Michael: Yeah. You know what? I'm great. You and I, we’ve waited long enough. Time to move on. It's time to move on. Okay? I want you to say your good-byes. It's the start of a whole new life for us. All right?

SceneEdit

George Michael: I guess we’re going to see you guys even less now.

Maeby: I told you we should have taught them a lesson.

Maeby: (kisses Georg Michael)

George, Sr.: I want a picture of the new C.E.O. with all her kids. Lindsay, I want you in this picture.

George, Sr.: Let’s see some smiles, people. It’s a party, not a shareholders’ meeting.

Rim shot

Siren wailing

G.O.B.: Are those police boats?

Rim shot

G.O.B.: No, I’m serious. I think they are police boats.

Police On Bullhorn: Prepare to be boarded. Prepare to be boarded.

George Michael: I knew it was against the law.

George, Sr.: That’s the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Buster: They have boats?

George, Sr.: Give me a cell phone.

Lucille: Lindsay, Buster, up to the bridge! Come on, Buster. Mighty good grief!

George, Sr.: Delores, listen to me.

Lucille: Out of my way!

George, Sr.: Empty the accounts.

Lucille: Out of my way, Celeste!

George, Sr.: Why are you crying? Why are you crying?

Lucille: Out of my way. Out, out, out. Lindsay, take the wheel. Buster, find us a channel to the ocean.

Buster: Gee, I don’t really have any of my mapping equipment with me.

Lindsay: You’ve had $80,000 worth of cartography lessons. Get us a channel to the ocean.

Buster: Okay, okay, okay.

George, Sr.: Can you hear me now?

Buster: Okay. Obviously this blue part here is the land... and that would mean...

Lindsay: Oh, Buster, Buster, it’s all right.

George, Sr.: Shredder. No, save it. Save it. Shredder.

Lucille: Please, don’t leave us now, Buster, please!

G.O.B.: Get in the tomb.

George, Sr.: Save it.

G.O.B.: The Aztec Tomb.

George, Sr.: Hold on. I don’t have time for your magic tricks.

G.O.B.:Illusions, Dad. You don’t have time for my illusions.  

George, Sr.: What is wrong with you? (Muffled) Why are you so angry?

G.O.B.: Look, just stay in the box. I’ll make you disappear.

SceneEdit

Narrator: The Bluth family dominated the news that night.

John Beard: Southern California is the home of the high-speed freeway chase but tonight's flee from justice was on the sea and slow as molasses. Bluth Development Company president George Bluth was arrested tonight for defrauding investors, and using the company as his personal piggy bank. More intrigue on the high seas tonight, as dozens of local pirates were arrested for protesting the Yacht Club’s discriminatory policies.

Narrator: Even Michael’s brother G.O.B. made the news.

Trisha Thoon: It was Mr. Bluth’s son “Gawb,” a part-time magician, who hid his father here, in The Aztec Tomb. By pushing on this pivoting panel Mr. Bluth was able to hide in this airless chamber

G.O.B.: I have to think the Alliance is going to frown on this.

Trisha Thoon: Perhaps a good trick for a human, but the dogs found him almost instantly.

Man in Police station: Free at last, y’all.

Tobias: I’m all right, gang. I’m all right.

Lindsay: Thank God.

Tobias: Oh, what an adventure. Oh, my goodness. Buster... don’t do that. What an adventure, gang. I thought that the homosexuals were pirates. But it turns out that most of them were actors in the local theater. You’re right though, it is amazing. I’ve been waiting for the universe to provide a path for me and... and I think it has.

Lindsay: You’re gay.

Tobias:No. No. No, I’m not... I’m not gay. No. Lindsay, how many times must we have this... No. I want to be an actor.  

Michael: Okay, guys, um... they are going to keep Dad in prison at least until this gets all sorted out. Also, the attorney said that they’re going to have to put a halt on the company’s expense account.

All: shocked

Michael: Interesting. I would’ve expected that after “They’re keeping Dad in jail.” The first thing I need you guys to do is to cut up your company credit cards.

Buster: What about the miles?

Lindsay: You know, Michael, Dad did name Mom as his successor.

Lucille: And I’m putting Buster in charge.

G.O.B.: He’s a good choice.

Michael: Buster? The guy who thought that the blue on the map was land?

Lucille: He’s had business classes.

Buster:Wa-Wa-Wa-Wait. 18th-century agrarian business, but I guess it’s all the same principles. Let me ask you, are you at all concerned about an uprising?  

Michael: You wanna know what? That’s it. I’m done. I’m sick and tired of the greed and the selfishness and all the taking. Forget it. I’ve got a son to think about. And you know, Lindsay, by the way, I expected this from them because they’re completely oblivious, but you... you should know better.

G.O.B.: Think he's really mad at you.

Tobias Somebody is a rude Gus. That's all.

SceneEdit

Narrator: In the days that followed, the Bluths' assets were officially frozen.

Lindsay: There's no more room in the suitcase.

Tobias: Glasses. Where are my glasses?

Lindsay: On your face

Narrator: Lindsay had no choice but to check her family out of the hotel earlier than planned.

Tobias: What are we doing with this? What is happening with this?

Narrator: And her husband started looking for work.

Cut: Stage

Tobias: My name is Dr. Tobias Fünke. I was chief resident of psychiatry at Mass General for two years, and I did my fellowship in psycholinguistics at MIT.

Tobias: And this is “I’m A Bad Bad Man” from Annie Get Your Gun.

Lively, off-key piano intro.

Tobias: (Hesitating) I... I... I... I’m...

Cut: Press on street interviews Lucille

Narrator: Lucille was finding it difficult to go about her daily life.

Lucille: The SEC is making him out to be some kind of mastermind, which believe me, he’s not. The man could barely work our shredder.

Cut: Sitwell Housing Inc.

Narrator: Michael was able to secure a job with a rival housing company almost immediately.

Enrique: Plus, there are perks. We'll set you up in Arizona in one of our finest estates.

Michael: Attic or main house?

Cut: Board Meeting

Narrator: And Buster was discovering his academic pursuits didn’t fully prepare him for his new responsibilities.

Executive: Have you looked at the latest figures on the Sudden Valley expansion, vis-a-vis the development versus the tax that it...

Buster: Amazing. You guys are so smart.

Executive: ...two percent per annum, but this is a non-recoupable...

Cut: one hour later...

Lucille: We need Michael.

G.O.B.: We need ice.

Buster: Michael... We need Michael.

Tobias: Perhaps... an intervention.

Cut: Livingroom

G.O.B.: So what we'd like to do here is just go around the room... and have everyone talk a little about Michael. Things we don't like about him or how he annoys us... or maybe just something he does that rubs us the wrong way.

Lucille: Jump right in.

Tobias: There's no right or wrong answer.

Lucille: I think that's a great idea.

Michael: Wait. Hold on one second. What exactly is this intervention for?

Lucille: We need you to come back and run the business.

Michael: Oh, okay. Well, then, so, technically it’s not really an intervention. It’s a little bit more of an imposition, if you think about it.

Lindsay: Oh, whatever you want to call it.

Michael:I’d love to call it an imposition.  

G.O.B.: We’re in trouble here, Michael. And I can’t perform my magic. I’m getting blackballed from even the smaller venues.

Flashback: Child Birthday

Birthday Party Man: Well, it's come down to the two of you. I'll be honest. I’m just more comfortable with an Alliance-approved magician.

G.O.B.: Aw. Give ’em a hell of a show, champ.

Teen Magician: Fuck off, traitor.

End Flashback

Michael: I thought Buster had everything under control. I thought you'd been going to the office.

Buster: Yes, and I've enjoyed that. It was just I was constantly being called to the phone or I was asked a question or I was resuscitated. It was really hard to get a good work flow going.

Maeby: Can you believe this? They're still fighting.

George Michael: Yeah, I know. I'm tempted to kiss again so we could teach 'em a lesson.

Maeby: Why would that teach them a lesson?

George Michael: No, I mean, uh, to freak them out.

Maeby: That doesn't make any sense.

George Michael: Isn't that what makes it funny? I'm laughing. Go fish' u know Okay. I just need a drink.

Michael: Well, I’m sorry. It’s just too late. I’m moving to Phoenix. I got a job. Something you apply for, and then they pay you to, uh... never mind. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.

Michael: So no hard feelings? Adios, Sayonara. I’ll see you when the first parent dies.

Lucille: Well, I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.

Tobias: Touché. Touché.

G.O.B.: Too good.

Michael: George Michael, grab the coat.

Lindsay: I think Dad would really want you to help us out here, Michael.

Michael: Dad’s in jail.

Tobias: It's just terrible, terrible ...

Michael: Nice try, Tobias. Here we go.

Lindsay: Well, the least you could do is say good-bye to him.

Cut to Prison

Narrator: In fact, Michael had not spoken to his father since the arrest, and he decided to give his father the courtesy of a formal resignation.

Michael: I quit.

George, Sr.: Probably a good career move.  

Michael: You know, I parked in the same spot for the last five years. I was there on time every single day.

George, Sr.: Mike...

Michael: I was so loyal, I worked so hard. Why didn’t you just put me in charge?

George, Sr.: Michael, listen to me. These guys, the SEC, they’ve been after me for years. I put you in charge, you’re going to be wearing one of these orange jumpsuits, too.

Michael: I could’ve helped you if you’d told me.

George, Sr.: You’d be an accomplice. No, it had to be your mom. They cannot arrest a husband and wife for the same crime.

Michael: Yeah? I don’t think that that’s true, Dad.

George, Sr.: Really? I’ve got the worst fucking attorneys!  

Michael: What are you saying? That you did this for me?

George, Sr.: What have we always said comes before anything else?

George, Sr.: It's family first.

George, Sr.: You do right by your son. "Pardner."

Guard: Bluth, time!

Michael: You might want to dial down that cowboy act while you're in here.

George, Sr.: Don't think that didn't cross my mind.

Cut to model home

Narrator: With Michael leaving town, Lindsay decided to take inventory of the family’s last remaining asset: their model home.

Lindsay: What are you doing?

George Michael: I’m packing up. What are you doing?

Lindsay: Well, just looking for... you. To say good-bye to you.

George Michael: Going to miss you guys.

Lindsay: Oh, well, we’ll come out and see you in... Yeah, we’ll miss you, too.

George Michael: It’s been nice having you guys around. You know, to talk to. Since Mom died, it’s been kind of lonely. I just wish we could all stay here.

Michael: I... I need a hand with the van, please.

George Michael: Okay. (hugs Lindsay very long)

Cutaway: Later

Michael: Sorry. Well, I guess he really misses his family.

Lindsay: Well, he doesn’t know us very well.

Michael: Yeah, clearly. Let me ask you a question. Where the hell have you been? Why didn’t you call me?

Lindsay: Look at my life, Michael. Tobias is out of work, we’re in debt. It’s...

Lindsay (tries to cry)

Michael: What are you doing? Are you trying to cry?

Lindsay: I’m sad. Life is hard right now. I’ve got the J.D.L. on my ass.

Michael: J.D.L.?

Lindsay: Jewish Defense League.

Michael: Oh, the circumcision thing? This is why I was against H.O.O.P. Why don’t you just mind your own business, Lindsay?

Lindsay: See? This is why I didn’t call you, Michael, because you’re so judgmental.

Michael: No, I’m not judgmental.

Lindsay: And you’re disappointed in me.

Michael: I’m not disappointed in you.

Lindsay: You are.

Michael: So I’m disappointed in you, but, come on, what is not disappointing about my life? Dad didn’t give me the promotion. Dad’s in jail. How disappointing is that?

Lindsay: So we’re a disappointing family.

Michael: We’re an incredibly disappointing family. But we are a family... and I want my son to be happy, so... maybe we should be in each other’s lives.

Lindsay: I’d like that.

Michael: Yeah?

Lindsay (tries to cry)

Michael: Seriously, you’re going to pull a muscle.

Lindsay: I used to be able to do this.

Narrator: So Michael decided to stay in California and try to save the family business. And for the first time ever, he gathered his family together in the model home.

Cut to model home

G.O.B.: Dad was always banker, so there was no beating him.

Lindsay: Totally.

George Michael: He should’ve been stocking up on those “Get Out of Jail Free” cards.

G.O.B.: Good one, George Michael!

Buster: Yes!

Michael: Very good.

Tobias: How are you?

George Michael: Wish you guys didn’t have to go so soon.

Michael: Oh, on that subject: these guys are actually going to be staying with us. For a while. Just your aunt. And her husband. Not G.O.B.

George Michael: Really?

Michael: Yeah. What the hell, huh? Family first, right? It is going to be a little crowded though, so I think you’re going to have to share a room with your cousin.

Music: What you tryin’ to say to me?

Act 4Edit

Narrator: On the next Arrested Development. George Michael gets a new roommate.

Cut to George Michaels room

Maeby: (Singing in shower) I did know what I do-o-o-n-e. I’m not that innocent.

Narrator: Many find work for the first time.

Cut to jewelery

Sales woman: This is the most expensive watch we have so only let the customers who are truly serious try it on.

Lindsay: It is a fun watch. I'll take it.

Cut to Sitwell Housing Inc.

Enrique: It was really your brother we were interested in. I mean, you don’t even have any references.

G.O.B.: Is that enough of a reference for you?

Enrique: Even a letter of recommendation, something like that.

Cut to jail

Narrator: And Michael finds it difficult to get his father out of jail.

Michael: You love it here?

George, Sr.: Oh, I’m having the time of my life. Hey, T-Bone.

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